Crisis and Anger Wars in Babies
Welcome to a time when your child has negative answers, good deeds, and a battle for acceptance. In fact, these outbursts of anger usually enter our lives from the age of 1.5 years and may end up to the age of two or three. So, what are these tantrums and tiny outbursts? Let’s try to summarize what we mean by crisis and the precautions you can take.
A crisis signifies a time of great change or turbulence and does not necessarily always have a negative connotation. The word “crisis” often connotes negative things, but it is also possible to see crises as an opportunity for change. When we associate crisis periods with development, it is best to think of it as a test to check whether we can reach another level of development by going further. Struggles, desperation or struggles during these checks are also the causes of our tantrums. However, a little patience will actually enable us to overcome this period in a healthy way.
This is called “opposition” as your child responds with “no” to almost everything during these periods. During this period, children also use the word “mine” a lot. In this way, he realizes that he can influence those around him. He realizes that he is a separate individual and begins to use the words “I” and “mine”. Even if he does what he is asked to do, he affirms himself by saying no. This is the moment when firm/gentle boundaries are established.
This is an ego war. We all have an ego. The ego is who we are. Ego is our identity. The ego must be strong. We don’t want parents to break the ego. With a strong ego, children can make strong choices. They can make decisions and have stronger willpower.
Some tips to get through crises easier
Instead of telling your child what to do, you can offer limited choices (it’s important to set limits). Offer only two options if possible at this age. In this way, you encourage your child to think and make decisions. In addition, when he makes a choice, the objection will automatically disappear. He will see that you accept him as an individual and will experience the pleasure of making a decision by choosing. But there is one thing to remember: once you give him the choice, we must respect what he chooses. This is based on respect and becomes the rule. This is a prelude to mutual respect. He can now use his tongue to make decisions. Therefore, if there is a summer dress in the closet on winter day and your child insists on wearing it, not only does it start a second crisis; You also destroy his confidence in the choice-making solution. Therefore, before making such choices, you should review the options that you can choose and make sure that there are no options that threaten safety/health.
When you offer your children options, they learn to appreciate alternatives and, when they understand the options, they learn to solve problems logically over time. If we do not allow the child to make his own choices, he will lose his trust in his environment.
We must respect them as individuals, as it is when the child reaffirms himself and learns to say “no” and “mine”. At this age, we should not ask them for things they cannot do. We must remember that they have yet to listen to their “inner teacher” and not act rationally. For example, we should not insist that they share their toys, or take them into a toy store and expect them to be willing to leave without buying any toys.
In this period, we should set the boundaries well in our relationship with our child. Consistency is essential in a relationship. We must be gentle but also firm.
We should show that we understand and listen to them and convey what we can do about it if we are not able to fulfill what they want at that moment. “I know you want a banana, and you’re disappointed that you can’t eat a banana. Yes, I know this is a great feeling. You can now eat strawberries or grapes if you wish; Then we get bananas so we can have bananas for the evening.” as.
In every crisis, the right thing to do is not to fight with the child. The child must go through this crisis. If you observe that he does not listen to you and stubbornly wants something, if possible, try to draw his attention to another subject instead of insisting on your discourses. Always strive to propose smart solutions.
Usually, one or two of these methods will work for you. However, in some turns, your child may still not be able to get rid of that tantrum. In such a situation, what you can do is be patient, give space to express and show your emotions, be a good emotion coach and accompany them with their emotions, and remind yourself that this period is normal and temporary.